Life & Mindset Blog

“There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risk of comfortable inactions” John F Kennedy 

“Gaslighting is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another person’s reality by telling them that what they are experiencing isn’t so — and, the gradual giving up on the part of the other person.” Robin Stern 

"You are in control of your life, don't let anyone else write the script" Oprah Winfrey

"Better learn balance, balance is key" Mr. Miyagi

“Comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, then a master. And then it becomes a tamer, and with a hook and whip it makes puppets of your larger desires.” Kahlil Gibran The memories you have of events in your life are enhanced by the meaning these memories had for you at the time of their occurrence—happy, sad, or otherwise. The more emotion that is attached to an event, the more vivid the memories. You recognize the value of what life means to you by the importance you place on a memorable event. Identifying where you find your true meaning in life can help you identify your life’s true purpose. I like to ask people where they find their greatest happiness in life. A simple two-fold question I ask is: “Where do you happily spend most of your time and money?” Many men say: “Happy wife, happy life,” and I always respond: “No, happy life, happy wife.” Some men meet a woman, display all the character traits she is attracted to, and form a solid relationship with her as a married couple. Then an unfortunate life event happens. It’s usually a loss of some kind. A job or someone close to the man, which makes him sad. His partner displays appropriate sympathy, and he takes solace in her support. But this behavior sticks as a newly adopted character trait for him. He becomes melancholic, which eventually becomes unattractive to his partner. She ultimately wants him to “man up” and be the person he was when he wooed her. Sympathy has become his new currency. The perfect storm is when the man’s melancholy coincides with the woman’s menopause and the corresponding moods are bereft of kindness. Postnatal depression is another instance where a partner needs to step up and be aware of the responsibility of “buffering the suffering” whenever they can. These are all a crises of identity beliefs. In the movie Death at a Funeral, a character says: “It’s one thing to be in a bad mood, but a bad mood which lasts too long just becomes a bad personality.” Believing your happiness is dependent upon someone else is setting yourself up for trouble. It is putting your destiny in their hands. If you are a contented and unselfish person in the pursuit of happiness, the people around you should be glad that you are happy. A lot of women I work with are dissatisfied with their husband or partner because he is unhappy and lacks vim and vigor. A lot of men I work with are dissatisfied with their wife or partner because she is unhappy and lacks vim and vigor. To maintain a healthy relationship, both parties need enormous self-awareness and a sense of empathy, not sympathy. They also need a high level of personal accountability. “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it,” Atticus said to Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird, and I think he was right. Many years ago, I realized I spent most of my free time in some form of fitness or health-based activity and a lot of my money was invested in the equipment and attire these activities required. I also spent time and money on buying and reading books. Mainly self-help books. I have found great purpose and reward from personal training and life coaching. So, it has made complete sense to combine both passions into mind and body coaching. I developed a program that centers around the completion of a templated manuscript that enables clients to discover their life’s purpose. Throughout the process the question that is continually raised is “Why?” This completed manuscript, which must be reviewed daily, then becomes a blueprint for their dream life. I ask my clients to consider their manuscript in a Pavlovian fashion. Ivan Pavlov was a Russian physiologist best known for an experiment that involved ringing a bell to signal he was about to feed a dog. Eventually he would ring the bell without supplying food and the dog would salivate at the mere sound of the bell. In your completed goal-getting template, PAVLOV stands for: P ortable: able to be easily accessed and taken with you to review. A ctionable: a list of realistic and actionable desires, not merely wishes. V erifiable: you have proof as time goes on that you are closer to what you want to achieve. L earnable: it is who you become in the pursuit of your goals. O ptimistic: you must believe positively in your goal’s achievability. V isible: not hidden away in a phone or laptop, or in your mind. Just like Pavlov’s dogs, the sight of this document should make you “salivate for your future.” It holds a mirror to yourself and serves as a template for exploration and accountability. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the whys are the windows to your goals. Here is a synopsis of the PURPOSE acrostic I created to outline the process: P lanning. Life management requires you to have a plan. Failure to plan is planning to fail. What are your daily routines and habits? Your routines are fundamental to your overall purpose. Within that overall purpose, plan morning and evening rituals. U nderstanding your starting point. Rate yourself across what I call the “8 Masts of Mastery”: Mental, Physical, Spiritual, Social, Financial, Family, Business, and Romance. R eviewing the lessons you have learned in life and the setbacks you have had, and reframing the way you look at these from an empowering perspective with a plan for renewal. See the mistakes you’ve made as lessons, and then do everything in your power to ensure they don’t happen again. P eople. Who is on your team? Where are you involved in your community? Which people do you have to cut ties with who are hindering your growth? O ptimism. You must have a confident expectation that everything you set your mind on will become inevitable with the right set of plans. What would your dream life look like if you knew you could not fail and everything went to plan? S olutions. What structures do you need to put in place? What is working for you and what is not? What problems will your plan solve? What is the worst thing that could possibly go wrong? E ffectiveness. What is the best use of your time right now and every day to ensure that your overall purpose is purposeful? What is the first step you need to take? The reason I use acrostics as mnemonics is to ensure your objectives are memorable, retainable, and actionable. Your PURPOSE manuscript and blueprint needs to be read and reviewed daily, preferably right before journaling, because you should be living your life with PURPOSE. When I started my coaching business, the mnemonic I created for attaining goals was based on encouraging people to write their goals with their DREAM life in mind. The SMART goal acronym lacked motivation for getting people to take action to attain their DREAM life. I created the DREAM acrostic model to help you list your goals to start living your dream. It is intended to be applied across every area of your life. “If you dream it, you can do it,” Walt Disney said. Within the 8 Masts of Mastery, ask yourself what you desire to achieve: D esire: What do you absolutely desire in your life from a mental, physical, spiritual, social, financial, family, business, and romance perspective? R ealistic: Is what you desire achievable? E nd time: Dreams without deadlines remain dreams. When do you expect you will achieve your desires? A ction: What are the action steps you need to take in each of these areas? M ake it happen: Take the first step and then the next … What can you do right now as you pen your dream life plan to make it a reality? Only you know. Only you can make your dreams come true. Only you have that desire. Only you can put an end date on them. Once you start to realize these crucial points, you’ll take responsibility for your life. If you think it’s someone else’s fault, you’re not living your dream and you’ve obviously given that person control of your life. Take it back! Author William Johnsen said something I’ve been repeating for years: “If it is to be it is up to me.” I’ve since changed this to remove any doubt. I don’t use the “if” word any longer.  Quite simply, there are 10 two-letter words that will determine your future and they must become one of your daily mantras: “As it is to be, it is up to me.” Once you identify what your “it” is and why “it” matters so much within each of the 8 Masts of Mastery, go after each “it” relentlessly. Go well! DL “Do or do not, there is no try.” Yoda

"On Groundhog Day, the groundhog is supposed to come out of his hole and look for his shadow. I don't think that is right. I think the groundhog should be looking for food. It's only February 2nd. It's not time to start thinking about shadows." Ellen DeGeneres

“The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions” Ralph Waldo Emerson Once upon a time, a little boy woke up excited on his 10th birthday, ready to unwrap the magic awaiting him. His father, casually reading the morning paper at the breakfast table, decided it was the perfect moment for a fatherly chat. "Son, today I'm going to share the secrets of the birds and the bees with you!" The little boy, covered his ears and stomped his feet, shouting, "No! No! No! Don't tell me – STOP!" This unexpected reaction surprised the father, accustomed to his son's usual calm demeanor. Putting a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder, he inquired about the cause of this sudden distress. "Daddy, on my seventh birthday, you told me the tooth fairy was indeed a fairytale, and the dollars under my pillow stopped. Then on my eighth birthday, you told me the Easter Bunny was a myth and from that day on, the taste of chocolate just seems different. Last Christmas, you told me there's no Santa Claus, and it turned out to be the worst Christmas ever! If today, on my tenth birthday, you tell me that grown-ups don’t really 'DO IT,' then what do I have left to live for?" Flashback to my own childhood – on the last day of the school year, as a trusting, happy go lucky 10 year old about to head off for Christmas holidays, my class teacher dropped a truth bomb on our class. "Stand up, all those who believe in Santa Claus," I stood up, along with two other boys, only to be promptly shut down. "Sit down, Lee, you idiot!" she scolded, unveiling the cruel reality. In disbelief, having had a family photo with a big fat man in a red suit the weekend prior, who even though I questioned the fact he was cross eyed, my mother convinced me was indeed Santa Claus; I asked my older brother Terry for confirmation later that night and he whispered, "Shh! There's no Santa Claus, but don’t let Mum and Dad know you don't believe or you won't get any presents." That Christmas was my worst Christmas ever as well. Childhood beliefs, whether in the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus, are often handed down through generations. Our earliest convictions stem from parental influence, sometimes stretching back to the traditional beliefs of our great-great-great-grandparents. Even though I feigned firm belief and excitement in the arrival of Saint Nicholas on Christmas Eve, my parents being very strict Catholics, managed to cement my disbelief in him, by virtue of the fact that I received one present from "Santa Claus" the following morning; " The Complete Illustrated Children’s Bible." A belief is essentially a behavior. You can't claim to believe in something and act contrary to that belief – well, you can, and many people do. Gandhi once remarked, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Embracing a growth mindset encourages us to scrutinize our beliefs. Beliefs should serve, support, nurture, and sustain us. If they don't, it's time to reevaluate. Comfort zones are growth's adversaries. I used to think men who drank green tea were soft and that Yoga was for hippies. My mindset was fixed, inhibiting growth. I drink a fair bit of green tea these days and Yoga is quite often my most spiritual experience and a tough workout. Mark Twain aptly said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” Adopting a growth mindset involves challenging comfort zones. Doing one thing every day that scares you, isn't about being reckless, it is taking steps towards overcoming past barriers. When an elephant is born in captivity it is restrained by tying a piece of rope around its leg and the rope is pegged into the ground. The elephant can't move and as it grows older and larger, it doesn't attempt to break free from this bond as it has believed since its weaker days that it was incapable. A growth mindset is about igniting the spark of your potentiality. Petrol has potential but is inert without a spark or flame to unleash its volatility. A growth mindset shows up when saying no to drinks with friends to keep true to your own goals and belief in yourself is strengthened as well as your mental toughness, This is growth on multiple levels. In a CrossFit session once, a client told me his mind was preventing him from doing an extra rep. “Whose mind is it?” I asked. “Tell that mind we need to keep this body in top shape so Mr. Mini Me wakes up tomorrow.” With a growth mindset you set your intentions of growth out on the table, as in you write them down and you review them regularly and renew them each time you have a setback and set a growth plan for overcoming the setback next time the opportunity presents itself. And then you believe you will MAKE THEM HAPPEN! A growth mindset demands transparent growth intentions. Regularly reviewing and renewing them and crafting a growth plan for setbacks. Life is about meaning and memories, with growth stemming from both. Don't forget to grow. If you would like a free growth mindset, discovery tool, step out of your comfort zone, grow a pair of whatever you identify a multiple of two that you need to grow and email me david@leeway.com.au and I will send you my "FINDING YOUR PHENOMENAL" template which has you ask yourself a series of questions of what your belief system is, around what I call "The 8 masts of mastery" This template provides you with initial "mesearch" questions and then you follow your own structured plan and belief system for growth outside of your comfort zone. As with any questions, if you don't ask, the answer is always "NO" Say yes to you and your belief in yourself and email me david@leeway.com.au for this unbelievable FREE growth experience .. Grow well DL “"Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first, you have to believe." Mark Victor Hansen

Manifest: VERB show (a quality or feeling) by one's acts or appearance; demonstrate: to make evident or certain by showing or displaying I am fascinated by words and, of course, their meaning. As a high-school student, the form of punishment my wise old Principal imparted upon me was having to write out the definition of my misdemeanours and every other word in the dictionary beginning with the same letter and have these written definitions back on his desk within one week. This "game" started when I questioned him on what the word "tardiness" meant when he chastised me on my late arrival to school that day. As time passed, I had ticked off a lot of the twenty-six letters, and even the letter Z got a run-in response to my incorrect use of the word Zeitgeist which I had used in my history essay. I had meant to use the word Blitzkrieg which means "lightning war", to describe the swiftness of the German attack on the French, resulting in the German conquest of France in 1940. Zeitgeist means "the spirit of the time; the general trend of thought, feeling, or tastes characteristic of a particular period of time. The Zeitgeist I am experiencing through my social media feeds is positivity around the setting of intentions to how the world should be and manifesting your future. Although, of course, it may be my algorithm on social media apps. Still, I seem to get a lot of "gurus" posting about intentions and how to manifest the life you want through positive affirmations. On a recent morning walk, I passed a service station with a pole planted in the ground near the entrance with the word manifest. Unfortunately, I have viewed the idea of manifesting as promoted by some helpful enthusiasts to fall short in the self-help department. I don't know what the pole with manifest on it is for, but it wasn't going anywhere and didn't appear to be doing anything. "God helps those who help themselves," I think "Source" or "the Universe" operates on the same philosophy. Manifesting isn't wishing as much as setting intentions and sending them out to the Universe isn't doing. When you write down your dreams and manifest your future, you must play an active part. As featured in the book "The Secret", the law of attraction involves, at the very least, the practice of daily affirmations. Affirmation means the act of confirming or declaring something to be true. Napolean Hill, the author of "Think and Grow Rich", said, "whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve" I have proof within my achievements of where this thought process is valid. Still, the most remarkable example is when I see children walking around talking through their wristwatches to their parents. These same children would be oblivious to the 1931 cartoon character "Dick Tracy" and his two-way wristwatch conversations with the Chief of Police. Some visionary scientists believed and achieved that conception and ran with it all the way to the bank. It is in the doing and the being that gets the having. So, what do you have to DO to be who you want to BE, to have what you want to HAVE? DO. BE. HAVE. What behaviours do you have to adopt in the direction of your dreams and goals that will turn them from intentions and manifestations to reality and satisfaction? Oh, and attack these behaviours in a Blitzkrieg fashion :) Be well. DL

David Lee shares his thoughts on how to wake up to your alarm every time and be a morning person by following six simple steps.

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David Lee shares his thoughts on how to overcome depression and anxiety by taking control of your life.

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David Lee shares his thoughts on how you should write your new year's resolution goals and achieve them without fail.

David Lee shares his thoughts on how important it is to simply smile at someone and listen before talking.

David Lee shares his thoughts on how you can have absolute clarity on your goals and how you're going to achieve them.

David Lee shares his thoughts on how to re-enter the post-Covid world with a clear plan for your DESTINY.

David Lee shares his thoughts on how the idea of doing one thing every day that scares can push yourself out of your comfort zone for greater success.

David Lee shares his thoughts on how to reinvent yourself post lockdown by referring to the best six doctors he knows of, and no one can deny.

David Lee shares his thoughts on how you can achieve your goals around the word DREAM and using DREAM as a template of sorts.